Since the time change at the beginning of November, the kids have been going to bed without much of a peep. It is kind of weirding me out. No struggle from little O, no more getting up for the millionth time. It is good, but will take a little getting used to. I worry about the kids a lot, and think about how to become a better parent. How to give them something to aspire to, and not in a material way, but in a whole-being-living fully-experience things sort of way. Lead by example.
But at times, it is hard to do the right thing. It is so much easier to just sit back, and enjoy the quiet. I look at their little faces, and just stare at their beauty. But I worry about their speech delays, that they aren’t engaged enough, that because I’m not putting my all into raising them, that they feed off this, and it is a snowball rolling out of control. This is all stemming from Little S having a reading buddy. I’m so worried for her. I want to talk to her teacher, find out what is going on. But I work from 7:30-3:30 M-F…fucking work. I love work. But I love my kids more. How do people balance the two things? Where do they find the time to get to school and keep a committed relationship with the teacher when they can’t take a day off work? No, I’m not necessary at work, and am totally replaceable. It is just that no one does the work when I’m not there…so it waits for me.
Shit, this is a rant. I’m going to stop it now.
The kids going to bed, they go to bed early 7pm. Which leaves lots of time for other stuff. Last week, I knitted my first thing – a scarf. Gave it to Big S for his birthday. It felt good to create something. This weekend there is a baby shower for a work colleague. Going to make a little blanket for the little fellow that is about to arrive. Have it almost finished. Just have to sew it together, all the hand stitching is done, it just needs to be sewn together. I’ll take a picture of it when it is finished. The animals on it are making me think about the kids room. I’ve got two main ideas. One involves the kids Gramps painting a black and white mural of birch trees, where the kids can add things that they like – made by them and me, things like origami birds, felt creatures, and paper drawings. Maybe something like this:the second is wallpaper
I really like the idea of the birch trees, but don’t want it to look all ominous and foreboding. I think that Gramps would do an awesome job – he is an amazing artist…but he’ll likely take a good deal of time painting it…which probably isn’t really a big deal right now. The kids’ room, can’t wait for Little House to get all fixed-up and ready for us to make it ours.